With that being said, now I'm gonna be a bit nasty towards others:
Here's a list of people I want to slap in the face:
Niki Minaj-Maybe not so much her as a whole all the time but if I could shrink my hand and give out little slaps to her facial features I would slap the crap out of them. The other night while watching Keith give a critique on Idol, I was enraged (yes, this caused rage in my thought process) by Ms. Minaj's eyelids. That's right, I said her eyelids. They were painted up (does one paint eyelids?) with a very sparkly dark silver shadow and the whole time Keith was talking her face featured surprise, condescendance, agreement, pleasure, you just been abducted by aliens, boredom, disgust and contentment. And he only spoke, like, 25 seconds! I don't think her overly accentuated eyelids worked at the same time at all. Like one was saying, "Keith, you Cray-cray." And the whole other eye was saying, "Yeah, I'd do him." To quote Dazed and Confused, "Wipe that face off your face, bxtch."
I'm not even sure where to start with her lips. Baby slap for the top one and baby slap for the bottom.
With that being said, why all the war paint? She was featured on the cover of Elle magazine sans any makeup and I much preferred the look.
Get out the cotton balls and scrub the face and the part inside your brain that makes your face look weird, Niki Minaj. Until them I want to slap you in the face.
Flo-
Flo, I so want to slap you. Not only you, but the terrible ad agency that makes your commercials. At first, the commercials were a bit clever. BUT over the three years that Flo was been the face of Progressive, the commercials have gotten increasingly more dreadful. I see what you're doing here, Progressive with you're annoying band of ad execs, the more annoying the commercial, the more people are snapped out of their 'gotta check my phone 'cause a commercial's on' reveries. Take the most recent ad with the fight announcer. He gets slapped too. Or the one prior to that with the vibrating phone. Since my phone is almost always on vibrate, everyone in my family takes pause and looks around for my phone only to realize it's a damn commercial! Did you know there is even a Facebook page called "Flo from Progressive commercials is an annoying bitch"? Yuh. There is.
AND they've really been slacking on her hair lately. I hardly doubt she does it herself, so Stylist, rat that shit up and smooth it over a little better, would ya?
They all get slapped in the face.
Tide Washing Machine Cleaner-
Don't get me wrong, this stuff does work. I begrudgingly paid the $11.99 at Target (I can't believe I forgot to look for a coupon on my phone prior to checkout) for a box of five packets. If my washer wasn't producing horrid smelling "clean" clothing, I wouldn't have paid that price. But, I did and had buyer's not remorse, but guilt for the price I paid to wash my damn washer. Here's where I start telling you why I want to slap something in the face-
The picture on the boxes instructions indicate one should pour (the surprisingly large amount of) the crystals into the detergent tray for a front load and directly into the drum of a top load. Beside that, the instructions say to add the stuff directly into the wash tub. Well, who am I to question the picture? The picture shows to pour it into the detergent tray. So I did that. Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong. I'm still drying up swamped detergent, softener, bleach and prewash trays, because of course I spread the powdery love amongst the dividers. There is crusted washing machine cleaner in every tray. Still. After 8 normal loads. So, Tide Washing Machine Cleaner, you get a slap in the face for having pictures that are not congruent with your written instructions.
Hope everyone had a few laughs and has a wonderful weekend!
To see People I want to slap in the face Part I, click here.
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