Thoughts of Grandeur

Note: Tomorrow I promise I will write about something other than reading books and writing. I fact, I will be writing the runner up entry from my last Giveaway. Joey S. from Stewartville, MN (Yes, my son, Joey) submitted the topic "What makes Spanky so stupid." But for now, this is what was on my mind today-

I've started to craft a story. I'm just not sure if it's going to be something I'll ever finish. If you know me well enough, you know I tend to hop into a project with best laid intentions and thoughts of grandeur. Then I get bored, get lazy, work myself into a point where I need assistance and the result is a half done messy looking shitshow. Another factor is my life is in a bit of a... What's that place Catholics go before they're admitted to Heaven? Yeah, that me, in that spot. Best laid plans of someday may not come for my own personal love story. But for today, God's grace and the sun shines upon us, so we'll tuck that nasty nugget away. And speaking of nasty nuggets, it's almost time to go back to my full time boy job. Pun totally intended.

I started off not knowing who my characters were. I didn't even have a plot. If you dig real deep back to high school English, you could say, "But, Sarah, how can you write a story and not know what you're going to write about?"
Crazy, huh?

Well, I've been doing some research and apparently you can craft a story from an opening line that's sticking in your head. As I've said before, by research I mean I Googled a statement and clicked on the first result. Actually I clicked on a few because I didn't like the answers the first couple pages presented to me. Alas, I found one that told me I could do it that way.

So what was the statement that was sticking in my head so much I began a whole story with it? It's embarrassing, actually. The kids were watching a DVR recording of Lizzard Lick Towing and Ronnie and Bitch in a Sausage Casing were chasing Bobby and his ex girlfriend and BiaSC states she needs to know what Ex Girlfriend is up to and Ronnie says, "I don't care if she's up to 6' 2", blah, blah, redneck blah.
Clever statement, Ronnie. I like it.

I wrote it down in a steno notepad, using the floating writing pen I keep hidden from the kids. (Does anyone else do either of these? Get a certain satisfaction from using a pen that glides across the page or hide these kinds of luxuries from their children?) One of my kids asked why I was handwriting this and the answer is, I don't know. It seems like a very writery thing to do. I also think it lends a step to the crafting process. I started thinking about who doesn't care what another character is up to and to whom the first character is speaking of. And all of the sudden a scene was set in my head and I was filling pages, crossing things out and leaving blanks for a more clever statement will be adding at a later date. The names of the characters may be changed eventually and really I'm not sure how/why I named them what I did. So far, an inconsequential character is named after my sister, Jaime, with no likeness to her at all, the name worked.

My characters do not have concrete physical descriptions. That's all part of the creative and editing processes. When I read, unless an author tells me their characters look like an actor/actress or the character personifies someone I know, they're often faceless hot bodies with the hair the author has described. I find I lose characters when I try to pinpoint facial features or they become blurby faces like on Cops. The flaw to an author stating a character is on likeness to a famous person is of I don't particularly find that person attractive I'm all, "No. You do not look like Channing Tatem. Josh Duhamel it is!" (Haters gonna hate, Channing fans. Please keep reading my stuff.)

I think I've nailed down my plot after writing my initial conversation. This may change as I'm writing, too. I really wanted to stay away from the lead male being in a sector of law enforcement because really I don't know jack about being a cop, but at this point, this seems to be the tone I'm setting myself up for. A plot outline may have saved me from this, but I just kept picturing a hard cover book full of blank pages when I tried to think of it as a whole product. So I've now got a beginning that needs to be rounded out with character descriptions and smoother introductions to the characters. The lead female's ex keeps popping up unannounced while I'm writing so I have resolved there is a reason for this. He obviously wants to be a part of the greater story, so I have devised that eventually he will be. This was another part that just fell into place for me.

The next thing I'm struggling with is, "What kind of book do I want this to be?" Hmmm. I'm most comfortable with contemporary romances that are told in a subjective but third person point of view. The view typically volleys between the lead female and the lead male character, using phrases like:
Ally felt like she should have packed it in for the day fifteen minutes after she got to work that morning. Looking around her stale office, she just couldn't take looking the dark, seventies colored Formica desk and washed out gray wall paper with pastel watercolored pictures in chinsy metal frames. Of course, if she left early, Mary, older squat lady would be passing rumors about Ally needing to attend to a gastrointestinal emergency before lunch break.
Or
He couldn't believe he let himself lose his temper like that around his daughter, leaving him feel like a giant tool.

But I've also read and enjoyed books wear the story is told completely subjectively like this:
I can't believe I'm still at work. I've got to be, of course, because packing it in for the day at 8:15 would not only reflect badly on my paycheck, but Mary The Stout Hag, in the office next to me would promptly spread it all over the place that it looked like my butt cheeks were clenched when i left and probably i had a case of the colossal squirts.

(These are just examples of stuff I made up, not part of the story I'm writing, btw.)

These subjective stories typically don't have the change in subjection leaving the main character to relay how she perceives other characters to feel. She also has to paint a picture of her surroundings, but the book can read at a quicker and quirkier pace.. These are usually the posher looking bigger than a paperback but smaller than a hardcover books.

Man, I really kind of sound like I paid attention I'm English class! Or maybe the people who did pay attention are saying, "Sarah, you're not even using the correct words."
I get points for using the correct yours and theirs though, right?

So, who wants to be my critique group? I'm looking for a few people to send my musings to and will honestly tell me where I'm leaving holes, what questions arise as a reader and honestly if it's crap that will never go anywhere. I'd like a mix of avid readers and people who don't read at all. This unpaid job description will let you brainstorm when warranted but not co-write. Just sayin'. Heck if you think it's something completely in attainable, shoot me an email as well.

Again, tomorrow no talking about writing. Spanky ye shall be.

Writing II

This is where I left off yesterday:

Tomorrow (That's now today.)  I will discuss Nicolas Sparks-esque romances, bundle all the other genres of fiction in which I don't read so probably couldn't write, Tina and Mindy type books and non-fiction.

There are always Nicolas Sparks type books... Could I write a love story that has a reader so emotionally invested they actually cry while reading the character's tragic or uplifting plight? Probably not. I think I'm a little too sarcastic by nature. I think I've read two of Spark's books. The Notebook (Loved it and cried through the last 60 pages.) and A Walk to Remember (Didn't love it so much.) I guess I choose reading as a refuge, not something that pulls me into a world of love and loss. You could say that I could draw off of my own tragic love story that is still being played out in my life, but I don't think I'm emotionally mature enough to put that all out onto a platter for everyone to read right now. My emotional wall is a well laid set of thick bricks without mortar as is stands and writing too much just might make it tumble into a pile of emotional wreckage.

This would be true for writing a work of nonfiction either as an autobiographical story or one of inspiration at this time in my life. I could tell you "how it really feels" as I feel like I sometimes hold back while writing updates on Paul's Carepage. Somethings are just too intimate or to divulge. If I were to write a book of this genre, it would totally and completely read like a copy and paste of Tina and Mindy's books only with my own anecdotes. Is there a funny way to write about teen pregnancy, mommy and daddyhood and cancer? I'd like to think so. Truth is, Paul and I have created more laughing moments and inappropriateness out of our lives together than the somber realism we may be expected to exhibit. If you hear laughter bounding through the cancer ward, it's probably me. Laughing at my husband. It's unfortunate I can remember things like the girl who went to our school for two months in fifth grade but not the conversation I had about a piece of mail I received last week. This may hinder my ability to write a work of nonfiction.
As far as other types of books such as horror, suspense, legal thrillers.... I don't read them, nor do I possess the thought process to write you a long and tangled web of lies, deceit and whodunit. It's just not how my mind works and simply, not how I roll. If there are other genres out there, I'm completely oblivious to them. I guess Amazon doesn't even bother to suggest any other kinds of books. They magically know me better than that.

At some point I am going to do a Part III to this idealization that I'm going to author something someday. Like, there are parts to the writing process in which I will have to revisit English class and think about plot points and character arcs and antagonists (See? Right there, I had to actually Google 'What is the bad person in a story called?' to come up with the word antagonist.) Already, my eyes are glazing over and my mind is shutting down.... Additionally, there's getting published and so, so much more I have no idea how to proceed with the whole shebang. I saw a sitcom the other day where a woman sold her blog rights to Hollywood for millions of dollars. The fictional blog was named "Smart girls don't suck." I would totally read that. I would totally go for just being discovered one day and handing the whole thing over for gobs of money.

Now that I'm back to reality, I suppose I should come to the realization that things cannot be that easy and the dishes need to be done. Fantasy is so much easier. And dryer. I'm kind of sloppy when I do dishes.

Check back in tomorrow for details on my GIVEAWAY! Yes, I'll be giving away PRIZES!

Writing

'You know what I did this weekend? I've kinda, sorta wrote the introduction to my book.

"You're writing a book?" you say?

Ha! No. But somehow, after being a cheap ass and just having the Try a Sample sections of Tina  Fey's Bossypants and Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)sent to my Kindle App, I've constructed a well written and comical introductory snipet of my own book in my head. Okay, I may have written it down, but someday I may be famous and publishers will be begging me to write a book and I'll have already saved myself some time and earned myself even more money by having early submissions to the editor.

....I may have had a bit of a Shopahaulic moment there.... If you haven't read the Sophie Kinsella series, the main character, Rebecca Bloomwood, is infamous for sensationalizing small moments in her life into huge idealizations that lead to her self proclamations such as "the girl in the green scarf." This happens while she's convincing herself she needs to buy the out of budget designer scarf which will lead to everyone noticing her. I guess I just made myself "The funny girl from Minnesota who wrote a book."

I'm not even sure what kind of a book I would write. If it were the genre I read most, it would be contemporary romance. Could I write a fictional but witty story about two second-chancers that includes tawdry love scenes and still look people in the eye? I'm not sure. I do know I already have a list of crappy words I wouldn't use to describe wee-wees and hoo-has in my books.

There is always the subjectively narated romantic comedies written by Sophie Kinsella or Marian Keyes. I've noticed that these kind of books, prior to my buying all my books digitally, tend to be larger in physical size with more polished covers than the typical paperback Harlequins. Aside from the size of book, these often nix the actual explicit parts in their character's relationships. The fact that they skirt around "the juicy parts" frustrates me.  If I'm subjected to the main character's comical yet electrifying attraction and proliferation of their relationship, the least the author could do is at least tell the details of their first....joining.

This is a reason I may not be able to write romance with the juicy parts. I've already compiled a mental list of people in which I'd be embarrassed of the knowledge they are reading this. And I haven't even said clit, cunt or penis. (Now I'm sitting here editing and debating whether I should at least PG-13 this thing and take that last sentence out.)  So romances with canoodling or no canoodling, I have reservations about writing a romance. I think that makes me somewhat of a prude.

Tomorrow I will discuss Nicolas Sparks-esque romances, bundle all the other genres of fiction in which I don't read so probably couldn't write, Tina and Mindy type books and non-fiction.

I will also be doing a GIVEAWAY this week!!!!!! It's going to be a good one, too, so share and promote my blog with your friends! Here's the link to my blog if you want to share-

http://mylentvent.blogspot.com

Blog vs Blog

I'm enjoying this writing/blogging thing. Question is, is anyone enjoying the reading part of it? Well, guessing from my vastly dwindling page visits, I'm not sure.... But I'm going to continue on regardless.
I've done some writing/pseudo-blogging in the past.  Nothing published or scholarly, by no means. It's actually been my husband's Carepage as I've chronicled most of his, along with our family's, journey since his diagnosis of cancer in 2010. That has a good following. In fact, as the page's administrator, I'm privy to the people who follow my postings, their email addresses (which has come in handy when I want to extend a personal thank you,) when the last time they visited the page and how many total times they have logged in. I love that feature! It not only gives me something to do  during long clinic and hospital visits, but it feeds some kind of deeply hidden vouyeristic feeling I get when I'm the only one that can see these details.
Now, this blog gives me information on those viewing it. But it isn't nearly as fascinating. As a matter of fact, it's random and boring and probably only exiting to... I'm just not sure who... Seriously? I'm don't know the names of those who read this. BUT, I am told how many people read each post in a day and collectively. I am told what country readers are from. I am told how many times I check my own blog(that's embarrassingly high), I am told how readers connect to my blog wether it be direct web address or more than likely through a Facebook link, lastly, I am told what operating system and device people use when they read the blog. For reals? Why would I or anyone else care if their blog is read on an iPod, droid phone or PC???? Quite frankly, it's creepier to have that information collected about a reader than me seeing how often certain people check in with the Carepage.
Why, Google? (Google is the blog host.) Why do you collect this obscure (at least to me)  information? Creeper computer geeks. That's my best guess.
Oh, and just in case you caught me on the readers from Facebook links, I am not the one posting the links as I can proudly (albeit, sadly) say, "My name is Sarah. I am a Facebook-holic and it has been 14 days since I've last been on Facebook."
At the end of the day, I've got a lot to say and I like the writing part of blogging. I don't like the absence of comments and flow of conversation that I am accustomed to while on Facebook. Perhaps once Easter is here, I can get the best of all worlds-Facebook, blogging and the continued closeness to my faith that I've been able to achieve while NOT on Facebook. I hope I'll remember to Facebook a little less and pray a lot more once I'm back to the world of status updates and newsfeeds!